


Leftovers – Your and my unfulfilled desires

by traumschwinge



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-01
Updated: 2013-10-01
Packaged: 2017-12-28 03:40:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/987232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/traumschwinge/pseuds/traumschwinge
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two lonely hearts under the same fate meet by chance to comfort each other. This is not the usual kind of love story. Highschool AU, FranceXAustria more or less, but with no romantic love for each other. It's just a way of coping with their feelings towards other persons. HunPru and Spamano as sideparings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This whole thing is experimental.This is not the usual kind of love story.

Francis sat down with a sigh. „So,what are you hiding from?” he asked.

“What do you care?” Roderich answered with a question without looking up from his lunch.

“Nothing,” Francis said.

He lighted a cigarette. This place was usually hard to find. That was one of the reasons why it was always quiet. He liked to come here when he wanted to be alone during the lunch breaks. He hadn't expected someone else to be here.

But it looked like Roderich had come here for the same reasons as him.

“I'm hiding from my friends,” Roderich murmured after a while. At first, Francis didn't even notice he was saying something. 

Francis looked up at the sky. He had figured something like that. He drew in a deep breath. “Me too,” he admitted.

Again, they sat there in silence. The warm autumn sun was shining down on them. There was a light breeze in the air. Birds were singing from time to time. Once in a while, the wind brought yellow and red leaves with it.

“I thought nothing between us would have changed by the time we had grown up,” Roderich went on.

Francis simply nodded. The other had put away his lunch box he noticed. Now, he was just sitting there staring at his hands on his lap. For a moment, he thought about comforting him.

“I really, really tried,” Roderich whispered. “I tried pretending I didn't notice a thing of what was going on between them.”

By now, his hands were shaking. Francis thought that all he was expected to do here was to listen. He didn't dare touching the other. And there was a lump of his own feelings building up inside his throat and making it impossible for him to speak.

“I wished they would just tell me what is going on.” Francis watched Roderich fidgeting his fingers. “They could have. Right from the start. It's not like I didn't notice what they are doing behind my back.”

For a while, they just sat there, breathing in and out slowly. Roderich wasn't shaking as bad as before. At first, Francis took this as a good sign. Above them, fluffy white clouds drifted over the blue sky. From what it looked like, it wasn't long until the days would become colder.

“I wouldn't feel as betrayed as I feel now if they had,” Roderich whimpered.

Dark spots started to appear on his trousers. Francis placed one of his hands on the other young man's shoulder. First, he had thought about patting him on the knee. For a while, Roderich didn't react to it at all. Francis had started wondering if he had done something wrong here when a delicate hand was placed on his. His hand was squeezed lightly for a moment.

Around them, the world went on its own way. On some nearby trees, sparrows were gathering. It looked like they were thinking about leaving for some more southern places soon. Or maybe they just wanted to have a good laugh, the noise they made sure sounded like they were having a lot of fun. Once in a while, a small group would leave and then come back after a while. Every other passing bird was greeted with a lot of angry noises.

The bell announced the end of the lunch break.

“Thank you,” Roderich said. He folded his handkerchief and put it back into his pocket. He wasn't trying to smile when he looked at Francis but there sure was a thankful look in his eyes. Francis forced himself to smile.

He patted the other's shoulder once more, before they both got up and went back into their respective classrooms. 


	2. Chapter 2

Francis passed by Roderich's classroom more than twice during the following weeks. Both times, the other didn't seem to notice him as he was either talking to Gilbert and Elizabetha or reading his notes. It almost seemed like Francis was ignored on purpose.

Autumn vacations came and went and they didn't meet again during the lunchbreak.


	3. Chapter 3

It wasn't until mid-december before Francis walked into Roderich again. He had decided that he would eat alone again for once. This was why he had gone to his usual place. Roderich had been sitting there as well that day.

Silently, they each ate their lunch. Both were thinking their own thoughts.

“I waited for you,” Roderich said when he was almost finished with eating. There hadn't been much in his lunch box to start with. Francis had noticed that.

“You were?” Francis marvelled. He hadn't expected to hear that.

Roderich nodded. “I thought you always ate here,” he said. “But you haven't for the past few days.”

The weather had become cold in the past weeks. The nights were frezzingly cold and even the days weren't much warmer. There were no clouds in the empty gray sky. 

“You know you could have told me,” Francis said after a while. He was still baffled. Never would he have expected the other to want to see him. They both knew each other's reputation. There was just no reason whatsoever for them to talk.

There wasn't beside their last meeting here, of course.

Roderich looked at him like he was thinking the same. “I-” He sighed. “I wanted to talk about the last time we met … you know … when I was ...” He bit his lip.

“When you were eating here,” Francis completed the sentence. There was no need for the other to admit that he had been crying.

Roderich nodded. “Yes, this,” he sighed. He looked around, again playing with his fingers, like he had the last time.

Francis had enough tact not to ask whether the other needed a shoulder to cry on again. He was sure this was what all was about. He just had no intention to forcig him to hurry. People in situations like this just needed their time. Rushing them just made them tell nothing at all. Francis knew just this much.

“I'll listen,” Francis said when he had waited long enough for Roderich to continue. “I don't mind.”

“Er.” Roderich looked startled. “I- I don't know how to put it.” He sighed. “I have never talked about this before.” Francis had thought so. But of course, he didn't say that out loud.

“I-” He sighed. “I saw them kiss.” His voice had been so small as he said that that Francis had to listen closely to understand it. 

It didn't really surprise him. What did surprise him, though, was that it had taken so long. Hadn't Roderich's friends been dating for more than two months now? Maybe they had been carefully around them. But them knowing about his feelings and hiding from him out of consideration was shameful in Francis' opinion. 

Francis didn't know what he was doing when he wrapped his arms around the other. It had been an impulse.

He was surprised he didn't get smacked for it. Instead, the other even leaned against him. For a while, they just sat there. 

They both stared into the sky. Some dark clouds were now to be seen around the horizon. With them, they brought the promise of snow.

“I'm afraid to be left alone,” Roderich whispered. He didn't look up at Francis.

The breeze that was constantly blowing around this time of the year had become cold. It was good to feel the warmth of somebody else now. There were no birds singing anymore. The last leaves clang desperately on empty branches.

“Nobody wants to be left alone,” Francis finally murmured. “I'm no exception.”

Again, they fell silent. They never knew what to say around each other. Instead, they watched the snow bearing clouds draw nearer. The air smelled of smoke and cold. Their breath turned into little white clouds raising up to the sky while slowly dissolving.

“From time to time,” Roderich started. His voice was shaking with lack of confidence. “If you want to, I mean, we could eat together form time to time. You know, as friends.”

Francis thought for a moment. He simply stared at Roderich. The other returned the glance with his amethyst eyes. When he couldn't stand it anymore, Francis rested his head on Roderich's shoulder. 

“I would love to,” he purred. “Eating together with a friend sounds nice.”


	4. Chapter 4

For the rest of the winter until the holidays, they met there during their lunch breaks. Even when there was snow. Everyone else thought it was too cold to go outside on those days. Neither of them minded. It was much better than eating inside with their friends.

Every break was a time to relax after all.


	5. Chapter 5

On the last day before the holidays, Roderich didn't come to their usual place for lunch. At first Francis thought he might run late or something like that. He would suspect the other to be sick but then again he had seen him in the hallway this morning. Francis wondered why he hadn't been told. By now, they even had exchanged cell phone numbers.

Why did this happen on a day he didn't want to eat alone?

He sent a text. Pacing around while he waited for an answer,he felt nervous. And because he felt nervous, he walked around some more. 

There was no answer. He would have worried. Then again, Roderich most likely turned off his cell phone when he was at school. That was what they all were supposed to do.

Impatiently, he waited for the break to end. Every second felt like a minute. He couldn't stand it. There was no way he could go through the rest of the day without a break.

In the end, he decided to go look for Roderich. He knew he wasn't supposed to. They never acted as much as friendly towards one another. Usually, they simply ignored the other outside that place.

He found him in his classroom, eating together with both his friends. Francis stood at the door. He watched them for some heartbeats. Roderich acted happily. He didn't look it to Francis, though.

He watched Elizabetha notice him and sending Gilbert over. He hadn't even noticed he had been staring at them long enough for that.

“What are you doing here? I thought you were eating with 'Tonio,” Gilbert asked.

Francis shook his head. “I haven't in days,” was what he should say. He said: “There's something I need to ask.”

“Well, then shoot,” Gilbert said shrugging.

“Not you, idiot,” Francis hissed. He was running out of patience fast. “I need to talk to Roderich.”

Gilbert raised an eyebrow. “What for?” He looked back at his friend. “Since when do you guys even know each other?”

“Just fetch him already, Gilbert,” Francis sighed. “Or I'll fetch him myself.”

“Okay, okay,” Gilbert gave in, strolling back. They had a short conversation. After that, Roderich got up and came over to the door.

“What do you want, Francis?” he sighed.

Francis was surprised by this. More than he should have been. From what they usually acted they weren't friends. They had sticked to pretending this for all this time now. Roderich seemd set on continuing this.

“I need to talk,” Francis said. Desperation crept into his eyes.

“About your music class?” Roderich asked a little louder than necessary. He grabbed Francis' wrist. “Let's go to the music room then.” Francis was dragged away. He just hoped he didn't look too puzzled. He hadn't been aware that Roderich's friends had been watching and listening to them.

Around the corner to an empty hallway, Roderich let go. “What happened?” he asked. Now that they were alone, he looked worried. Francis hadn't thought he looked this bad.

He shook his head. Now that he had had opportunity to talk, he didn't have the words to say it out loud. He'd never said anything like this. It didn't suit him. Saying something like this just wasn't like his usual self. He bit his lower lip.

Softly, Roderich started to stroke Francis' arm up and down. “It's okay,” he said with an encouraging smile on his lips and sadness in his eyes. “I know how you feel.”

Francis shook his head. He couldn't say it. He tired to. But he didn't even want to think about it. It made his chest tight.

Roderich let out an long sigh full of emotions Francis thought he understood. With his left hand, Roderich brushed his hair out of his face. Then, he looked around to see if they really where alone, before he placed a soft, short kiss on Francis' lips.

“Feeling better now?” he asked shyly, his cheeks turned pink.

Francis didn't answer. He just took Roderich by his shoulders, pressed him against the wall of the hallway and drowned them in another kiss.


	6. Chapter 6

Francis had never wanted to attend this _party_. But when both 'Tonio and Gilbert had asked him repeatedly, he gave in. So now he spent his New Year's Eve standing in a corner. The part was set in the garage of Gilbert's parents. It was what they had done the last two years as well. 

But last year, they all had been single.

Francis sighed. He didn't want to socialize with his friends right now. Too bad that Gilbert's little brother had just peeked in, shook his head and left. Then again, Gilbert would have gotten majorly pissed at him if he had tried to hit on that kid. Not that this was acutally a bad thing.

Francis noticed more than once that his glance wandered off to Roderich. Gilbert had dragged his friend here. Sometimes, Francis wondered if he really was the only one who could see how unhappy Roderich looked in situations like this.

They hadn't talked since the last day of school.

Francis simply didn't know what to say to him. It had been an impulse. Nothing more. It had made him feel better. Hopefully, it had made Roderich feel better. But still … it wasn't something you did. It wasn't something he thought Roderich would just do. He had done it for this reason a lot. He feared Roderich might have projected romantic feelings onto him.

He kept on staring at Gilbert and his friends. Looking at 'Tonio and his boyfriend would just be too painful. The three of them looked so perfectly normal. Gilbert with his arm around his girlfriend and all three chatting and everything. 

It made Francis feel sour. How could Roderich put up with this.

After a while, Roderich got up and left the couple to themselves. He strolled over to Francis, but averted the latter one's eyes.

“I can't wait for them to leave for Gilbert's bedroom,” Roderich sighed. “This is starting to weary me.”

Francis snorted. He had felt weary of all this before he even had arrived.

Roderich patted Francis' back. “Don't take this too hard,” he said. “They're not doing this to spite you. None of them.”

Francis sighed. “I know,” he said. “But it's still unfair. How could you be so calm about it? You do understand that you're suffering, right?”

Roderich shrugged. “I don't mind,” he said. But his hands had been clenched into fists. “It just wears me out. It's not like I don't want them to be happy, I just ...”

“You just want them to be happy with you rather than with each other,” Francis mused. “That reminds me, you never told me which one of them you were in love with. I can't figure it out.”

Roderich smiled a thoughtful smile. “I can't neither,” he laughed. “Both, I think. But maybe it isn't even love. It's … complicated. I told you I feel jealous rather than like being in love.”

Francis nodded. He remembered this part. But he had thought that Roderich meant his usual feelings when he was around his friends. “You're a weirdo,” Francis grumbled. He didn't know what else to say.

“I know,” Roderich sighed. “And pretty stupid on top of that.” He looked at Gilbert in a way that took Francis a moment to figure it out.

When he thought he had figured it out, Francis gasped. “You didn't, did you?”

Roderich shrugged. “Depends on what you mean,” he said. “I gave him some pushes so he got together with Elizabetha.”

This wasn't what Francis had meant. He still wasn't relieved about it, though. “So you mean you hurt yourself on purpose?” Francis summed up. “Are you a masochist?”

Roderich smiled a profound smile. “Well, you could say that,” he chuckled. “But I had my reward. More than once.”

Francis wrinkled his forehead. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. He had taken neither of them for a man to do something like this. “You mean he kissed you, right?” Francis sighed. He thought: _Please say there hasn't been more._

Roderich nodded. “Amongst other things, yes, he _practised_ kissing with me,” he smirked.

Francis sighed. “And now I don't know whether to pity or fear you,” he said.

Roderich shrugged. “I still think having him like this is better than never having him.” He leaned against Francis in a way he could he wouldn't fall if the other moved away from him. “At least I know I didn't miss out on much. Gilbert is a lousy kisser.” The subtle smile had reached his eyes as he looked at Francis. “Much unlike you.”

Francis snorted again. “Are you hitting on me?” He didn't like this. He had no trouble with flirting himself, or being flirted back at, but this? It wasn't like he wasn't aware that Roderich would rather have someone else.

This hurt his pride a lot.

Roderich shook his head. “That would be both unfair and a waste,” he sighed. “You're by far too nice a guy to play with if one knows you better. We both just want to feel less lonely. And it's good that we both know it.”

Francis huffed. He wished he wouldn't take love this serious, that he could up up the same air he had towards flirting with any girl that likes him. Francis knit his brows together. “You think we're alike, right?”

He hadn't noticed this before. He had thought they shared the same pain, yes, of course, but he never thought they were also sharing the same way of coping with it.

“If you're a player, you're hiding it well,” was what Francis finally settled for.

“If you're a man for a lifetime, you're also hiding it well,” Roderich retorted. He flinched as Gilbert and Elizabetha got up and left, most likely heading for Gilbert's bedroom. Francis watched him gulp, draw in some deep breaths and let the color flow back into his cheeks. Unconsciously, he took Roderich's hand and squeezed it softly.

“I dated a girl or two,” Roderich confessed in a whisper. “Of course it didn't work out and wasn't even sorry. They broke up with me as soon as they noticed I didn't love them back.”

Francis nodded. It was the same reason why his so called relationships usually lasted less then a week, never longer than half a month. He just never felt like even bothering to pretend to love them if he didn't. He was good at flattery.

“Have you tried it with … a guy yet?” Francis asked. He had, once or twice, it was always easier to put up with them but so hard to find someone if he didn't want to go out of his way too much. Roderich shook his head. But watching him, Francis was sure the other's lips formed the unspoken words: “Just Gil.”

For a while, they stood there in silence. They hadn't even noticed when 'Tonio and his boyfriend had left.

Francis still held on to Roderich's hand. It felt warm and soft and comfortable. Just like his lips had felt when they had kissed. Thinking about it, it had made him feel better than anything during the past months, like finally being able to gulp down deadly venom after weeks of swallowing painful poison.

Before he knew what he was doing, his lips were on Roderich's again, he could feel the other's arm wrapping around him and locking behind his neck almost immediately. He kissed him for a long time, softly, caressing, with all his skill that had taken in so many girls. Roderich wasn't half bad himself and definitely used to kissing and what came with it. Francis could feel slender fingers brushing over his neck, stroking up through his hair, roughly caressing the back of his head.

Desire sparked up inside him, just like the last time. But now there was no reason to hold him back. He looked around for a soft place to lie down but of course he couldn't find one here. So he just carefully pulled Roderich down with him onto the hard concrete floor. And Roderich went with it, with the same matter of course as he had pushed Francis away as he had started fumbling with his clothes on the last day of school.

Now, he let Francis pull his much too neat shirt out of his trousers while they kissed again. Francis had the feeling Roderich wanted to say something but he cut him of for a while, kissing him over and over again and leaving him no time to voice any doubts. He needed this so bad. And judging by the way Roderich responded to him, the same went for him. There was no way Francis would let anybody else torture himself like he did before his eyes.

When he had finally time to breathe, Roderich said: “What if they come back?” He looked so incredibly aflush and Francis was positive they were both turned on right now. But nonetheless, Roderich bit his lower lip and turned his head away. “I don't want them to see me like this,” he whispered.

Francis kissed his cheek. He stroked through the dark brown hair and in the process took off the other's glasses. “Don't be afraid,” he purred. “They won't come back soon.” He gulped the words he had wanted to say next down. _They're doing the same as we do after all._ He didn't want to make his friend think about it like he did.

Trembling arms pulled him back down again, quivering lips sought his and found their goal to be rewarded with hot kisses. Francis wasn't sure but he had the feeling like Roderich was sobbing against his lips and tried to stifle it this way. He let him. If he hadn't given up on this, he would be crying as well.

Caressingly, he brushed hair out of Roderich's face and smiled down at him. He wanted him to feel better so bad. Like he could make himself feel better this way as well. “If it helps, think of me as Gilbert,” he muttered. And he loathed himself for this. Wasn't this like he admitted how pitiful he had become. He only could think about sleeping with a man he knew not to love him.

Roderich shook his head. But only so softly Francis almost missed it. He took it as a sign to continue, to open Roderich's pants and slide his hands down into the tent of his drawers. “I'll do it quick,” he whispered. His fingers were already wandering up and down the shaft. Roderich could only do so much as to nod, biting down on the knuckels of his fingers to silence a moan.

His fingers grew stickier and stickier as he closed his hand around the arousal and started to slowly pump him. He was careful not to touch the tip at first but simply caressing him until the arousal was fully erect. Then, his other hand started massaging Roderich's balls while he thumbed the tip of his penis.

Roderich uttered the most curious and cute sound Francis had heard in a while when he closed his hand tighter around the shaft and started to move faster, altering the pressure now and again. Francis couldn't help himself but to smile. He bent down to kiss Roderich, a soft little peck as it started but it quickly turned into a kiss full of desire and need.

He really did do it quick in the end. Roderich couldn't hold back for long. Soon, almost too soon for Francis' liking, he started to move his hips uncontrollably, his body now tremoring with something else than tears. And then, suddenly, eruptively, he stops. Trembles. Wipes over his eyes. Chest heaving. Clouded eyes staring up at Francis. And a smile, such a bright smile, starts to take over his vision.

Francis smiled back. He sat there on the cold concrete floor. He smiled like an idiot. His own erection demanded attention, better sooner than later. And yet, he sat there and smiled back at Roderich who slowly sat up himself, bending forward to kiss him.

They kissed only briefly. Then, Roderich shifted back, bent down to kiss the fabric of Francis' jeans between the legs. Francis hadn't much time to admire this view and the sensation, before Roderich finally, finally unbuttoned his jeans and pulled the zipper down. For a moment, Francis thought, Roderich would simply return the favor.

But after Roderich had freed him off his boxers and wrapped his slender fingers around his arousal, he didn't move his hand. Instead, he moved his head and upper body and lowered his mouth until he could take him in. Francis gasped.

His fingers searched for a place, any place, to get a hold of. They traced over Roderich's back and neck to his hair and tangled themselves in it. The other didn't seem to notice this at all. Painfully slow, Roderich took his arousal deeper into his mouth. Francis was already shaking.

The sensation of the warm dampness of Roderich's throat and the pressure of his lips around his arousal were almost not to bear from the start. Much too skilled for his first time, Roderich moved his head up and down a bit, taking him deeper into the slick depths and sucking him more and faster and oh so good.

Sooner than he had expected, Francis was ready to come. He tugged Roderich's hair, tried to pull him away desperately. He didn't want to come in Roderich's mouth, even though, if he was completely honest, he wanted to come in this lewd mouth so bad. He came, halfway out of the lips that had closed around him just a second ago. Some of the come splutted onto Roderich's cheek, but much too much of it was left on the red, slightly swollen lips and in that incredible mouth.

There were flashes of light, some dots, some other shapes, before Francis' eyes. He was panting hard. He tried to move but for now he couldn't. All he could do was stare at Roderich, as he brushed the come off his cheek with his long fingers. He watched him look at the sticky, white stuff on his fingers for a second, before he licked it off and after that also the stuff on his lips.

“Well, that was something,” Roderich murmured. He was still sucking on his fingers. “At least you taste good.” He shot Francis a smile so mischievous Francis had never thought him to be capable of.

Francis was still smiling. “You didn't have to,” he said.

Roderich leaned towards him and kissed him on the cheek. “But I wanted to,” he purred. “I didn't want to miss out tonight.” There was a spark in his eyes that sent shivers down Francis' spine. “Admittingly, this was by far better than I had expected.”

Francis stroked caressingly through Roderich's hair. "I think I will make it though their relationship like this," he cooed. He really felt like it. With a shoulder to lean on to, it didn't seem that hard anymore. And who knew, he would eventually fall in love with someone else over the years.


	7. Chapter 7

The others had arrived back shortly before midnight. They found Roderich and Francis talking on the benches in the garage. After tidying up, Francis hoped, they wouldn't notice what had happened while they had been gone. He didn't look too closely at them. He and Roderich had both been sure why they had been left alone. This certainty didn't need any proof.

They went outside together. Gilbert was obviously set on blowing himself up with firecrackers and rockets and whatnot. For a while, Elizabetha watched him, before she joined in. Francis heard Roderich chuckled as they watched the fireworks go off.

Antonio and Lovino stood a bit to the side, arguing loudly about how to use the firecrackers. At least, Lovino was arguing and shouting. At least, Lovino was arguing and shouting. Antonio himself stood just next to his boyfriend and laughed. It was marvelous that they managed to set off even one rocket.

Roderich leaned back while the fireworks lighted the night sky. He didn't say anything as they watched the red and blue and green lights. But without taking his glance of all the glittering, he took Francis' hand and squeezed it. Francis replied to it with a peck to Roderich's cheek.

“Happy New Year.”


End file.
